Who I was…

This is a response that I sent to someone recently that I thought explains where I am coming from and what I live for now. I thought someone may hear my story and ask God to write a happy ending for their story too. Read, think… receive Him.

We had so many struggles in the early years. I was such a selfish person and I was not a good wife. Chris put up with me because of who he is…. steady, dependable and stubborn (He wasn’t willing to quit.). Finally the last straw occurred. I was at the end of myself. I was depressed and looking for answers.

One of my co-workers had been trying to talk to me about God.  I considered myself a Christian already. I grew up going to church on occasion. I believed about Jesus. But if someone asked me if I were going to heaven or what I needed to do to get there I would have drawn a blank or said something about doing good things and being nice to others. I really had no idea that the reason I always felt guilty about everything is because I was.

Well the co-worker gave me Left Behind to read. In the meantime, Chris had been asked to play taps at a police memorial service at this big church near our house. We sometimes flipped past it on the TV and laughed at the “Bible Beaters.” He asked me at the last minute if I wanted to come with him to the service and I didn’t have anything else to do since it was Saturday morning, so Zach and I went. The service was not life changing… but it wasn’t weird. I grew up going to the Episcopal church so Baptist type things had always seemed weird to me prior to that. But I felt comfortable and there was a reception afterward. At the reception everyone was really nice and friendly. We were invited to come back and visit on a Sunday. Chris and I decided we would.

We went back a couple of weeks later and really listened. I have no idea what the preacher was teaching on. All I knew was that I was beginning to understand the reason for my unhappiness and the feeling of emptiness and also the feeling that I could never change… it was my sin. My sin was what was separating me from joy. It was my sin that was keeping me from being able to have genuine relationships with people that were not based on what those people could do for me. It was my sin that stood in the way.

It was the first time that I understood that the reason my sin (anything that I thought or said or did that was wrong) was not just a misunderstanding or a mistake.. but an affront to a Holy God and that it deserved death.

“The wages of sin is death…” Romans 6:23

I mean any sin. The smallest white lie. The awfullest murder.. .it is all sin. I understood that even though God created the whole world and all that is in it and he loves His creation… He did not create the evil in it… and He takes no pleasure in it.

In order to be in the presence of God you must be perfectly spotless. Never having committed any sin. I understood that it was impossible for me to do enough good to be acceptable in the sight of God.

“Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned—” Romans 5:12

Then someone explained to me that because of God’s great love for us… He did not leave us to die in our sins.

The end of the earlier verse in Romans 6:23 is this “… but the GIFT of GOD is ETERNAL LIFE, through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (emphasis mine.)

The Lord Jesus Christ willingly became a human. He suffered himself to be born as a lowly infant, to grow into a man, to live a perfect life, without sin, and then chose to let sinful men nail Him to a cross. But that wasn’t all. He didn’t stay in the grave. He rose from the dead on the third day.. conquering death.

“For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures.” 1 Corinthians 15:3 – 4

The death, burial and resurrection of Christ is the gospel. It is the message of the Bible. The whole old testament points to it… and the new testament proclaims it. It is through the gospel that we are able to be pardoned from our sin and reborn into new persons, who have new desires and a new purpose.. to know better the Lord whom saved us from hell.

“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions —it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:1-10

Well – I won’t say that I understood a whole lot at that point, except that I was a sinner. That I needed someone to forgive me of my sin. Jesus came to take the punishment that my sin deserves.. death. He was my replacement and the replacement of anyone who chooses to take by faith what He did for us and believe that God will do what He says…

“But what does it say? “THE WORD IS NEAR YOU, IN YOUR MOUTH AND IN YOUR HEART”–that is, the word of faith which we are preaching,that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.” Romans 10:8-10

I was reading Left Behind and hearing the Gospel on Sundays… I knew I needed salvation. I was ready when the preacher called me and walked me through the plan of salvation. The moment I became a Christian.. my life began to change. Some changes were instantaneous, others have been a process and in many ways the Lord is still working in me. I will never be perfect, sinless or even good enough. But I don’t have to be… I just have to love the Lord and live each day for Him.

Chris became a Christian just a couple of weeks after I did.. and we have been able to grow together in our faith. We do not have a perfect life. We have plenty of difficulties of all kinds. We have heartache and trial and joy and pain. We get down. But our focus and our reason for living is different. It is based on the knowledge that we are really here for a reason.. and God does care.. and does love mankind and this all isn’t just nothingness.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 1 Corinthians 5:17

Anyway, we have been Christians for 10 years now (on Aug 1st). Our lives are in so many ways different. God has met us in every circumstance, and provided for our needs.. but never the way we would have asked and always in such a way that we grew from it. I can’t believe that I ever lived apart from Christ.

You can have this relationship with Christ too. It will not solve your problems, make you rich, likeable or famous… but you will be changed radically from the inside out.. and then your perspective will be different, you will have a new purpose and then your circumstances will not rule you. Then as you follow Him, He will lead you where He wants you to go… and when that happens… it is always good. Maybe not easy… but good.

I am praying that the Holy Spirit will help you understand God’s Word. That it will be alive to you and speak to your heart as it did to mine 10 years ago and still speaks to me today.

There is an urgency to making a decision for Christ. None of us know how long we have.. and the penalty for not having trusted in Jesus is eternal separation from God in hell.

So I am putting link here to my pastor’s website where you can listen on line to the current radio series and order cds, resources etc. But I want you to go to a section there called Would You Like to God Personally? . It is an audio presentation that you can listen on line. There is also a copy of the booklet to go along with the message. I hope that you will be able to listen to this.. and then maybe we can discuss it.  … Love char

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Sensible Mom
http://sensiblemom.wordpress.com/

CBCCA Homeschooling Group
http://cbcca.cbcbeaufort.org/